Forgiveness Without Limits
This post concludes a four-week series on Essential Church. In week one, we looked at Christ as the foundation. In week two, we discovered that the church is diverse by design. In week three, we saw that oneness is our goal. And now, in week four, we turn to forgiveness—without which none of the others are possible.
The Question of Limits
When Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” (Matthew 18:21), he thought he was being generous. The accepted standard in his day was three strikes. Peter doubled it and added one for good measure.
But Jesus answered, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:22). His point was simple: stop counting. Forgiveness is not meant to be rationed.
To drive it home, Jesus told a parable.
An Impossible Debt
A king brought before him a servant who owed ten thousand talents. In today’s terms, that’s about ten billion dollars. Impossible to repay. The servant begged for time, promising to pay it all back—a desperate but hopeless pledge. And out of pity, the king forgave the entire debt.
That’s us before God. We owe Him gratitude, worship, universal love, and perfect obedience. None of us has come close to meeting those requirements. Yet God forgave us in Christ.
Paul put it this way: “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). And again: “In Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them” (2 Corinthians 5:19).
A Manageable Debt
But the story didn’t end there. The forgiven servant went out and found a fellow servant who owed him one hundred denarii—about four months’ wages, maybe $10,000–15,000 today. Not nothing, but nothing compared to ten billion.
The second servant pleaded with him in the same words he himself had just used: “Be patient with me, and I will pay you.” This time the repayment was actually possible. But the first servant refused. He had the man thrown into prison.
When the king heard about it, he was furious. “Should you not have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?” And he handed him over to be punished.
Jesus’ point is sharp: forgiven people forgive.
The Weight of Unforgiveness
Unforgiveness is not only disobedience—it is a burden.
Think of a boy walking through the woods with a backpack. Another boy slips a rock inside as a joke. The first boy feels the weight and grows angry, but he refuses to let it go. More rocks are added. The boy carrying the rocks refuses to take them out of his backpack because the other boy ought to apologize and take the rocks out of his backpack. By the end of the walk, one boy is light-footed and refreshed, the other exhausted and bitter.
That’s what unforgiveness does. It weighs us down. As Lewis Smedes once wrote, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation
Part of what makes forgiveness hard is that we confuse it with reconciliation. They are related but not the same.
- Forgiveness is about my attitude before God and toward the other person. It is releasing the debt, refusing to hold onto bitterness or unforgiveness against someone. That is always possible.
- Reconciliation is about restoring the relationship. That requires repentance and rebuilding of trust. Sometimes possible, sometimes not.
Forgiveness takes one. Reconciliation takes two.
How Do I Forgive?
Forgiveness can feel impossible, especially when the hurt runs deep. Here are two practical guides that can help.
The REACH Framework
- R – Recall the hurt honestly. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen.
- E – Empathize with the offender. Remember: hurting people hurt people. Their actions often reflect their own pain.
- A – Altruistic gift of forgiveness. Offer forgiveness as a gift because you have received it first from God.
- C – Commit to forgive. Make it concrete—write it down, tear it up, pray it aloud.
- H – Hold onto forgiveness. Feelings may resurface, but you can return to the decision you’ve already made.
The Four Promises of Forgiveness (Ken Sande, The Peacemaker)
- I will not dwell on this incident.
- I will not bring it up and use it against you.
- I will not talk to others about it.
- I will not let it hinder our relationship or block reconciliation if it becomes possible.
A Heart Check
How do you know if you’re still holding on to unforgiveness? Ask yourself:
- Do I secretly want harm to come to this person? Would I be glad if something bad happened to them?
- Do I rehearse the offense in my mind, replaying it over and over?
- Can I pray for God to bless them?
If you can’t yet pray blessing, you’re still carrying a rock.
Paul gives us this encouragement: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
Postscript: A Practice You Can Try
When our church gathered around this message, we did a simple but powerful exercise. You can do it too, right where you are.
Take two slips of paper.
On the first, write: “My debt to God.” If something particular weighs on your conscience, jot that down too. Then tear it up into little pieces. This is the truth of the gospel: in Christ, your unpayable debt is forgiven.
On the second slip, write: “Others’ debts to me.” If you are holding on to a specific wrong, note it privately. Then tear it up as well. Place both torn slips in an envelope, or throw them in the trash, or run them through a shredder, or—even better—burn them in a fire.
This is not magic. But it is a tangible way to echo what Christ has done. Your sins are canceled. And so are theirs. All of it belongs to God.
As you let those papers go, remember the words of Jesus: “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36).